therapy.

1.

Therapy. 

Death metal and violent video games style. 

Hey, I spend the other remaining hours of each and every day mindfully, or at least attempt to, so a little mindless self indulgence once in a while never hurt anyone. Sometimes that’s all it takes, all a person needs is some fun.

Getting playfully plastered with your best friend, circulating the wonderful toxin around In your body, enough of which to kill that bug that’s taken residence up your ass, loosen the knickers a bit. 

We’re generally way too up tight; not saying getting drunk is always the best therapy but for someone like me, it is. I’m not a drunk or an addict or a junkie, I just like to get out of my head and have some fun on occasion, alcohol being the best answer, most times. It’s not always pretty, but with the right people and the right place, it can be a thing of beauty. 

It becomes less a social experience than  it is a shamanic one, feeling as if I’m taking part in some ancient ritual, passed down through generations, with its intent in contacting the other side. I feel that way because it is that way. You could look at the science of it and bore yourself to sleep or you could look at the spiritual science behind it, the one our Western minds can’t touch. 

2.

Ritual. Loud music and chalice style. 

A seance of slurred words and liberated bodies, freed from anxious shackles. Psychic bondage. 

Getting freer now, movements become more exaggerated, staggering and swaying. Dancing. Bobbing to the beat either in your head or outside of it, caught up in a feeling, emotion takes over. This is where it gets tricky.

To those who aren’t comfortable with their inner worlds, drama ensues; loud, emotional outbursts of jealousy and anger. One shouting voice becomes two, then three  or more in but a matter of seconds. The fight response dominates and everyone is suddenly very brazen, more so than usual. This is an unusual circumstance. Conversations become passionate, heated; logic gives way to charisma and you see the person behind their mask. Some masks are better left on, however; take heed and pick your drinking partners carefully.

To those who are more comfortable in their inner worlds than the outer, the experience is perceived very differently. Insight deepens, the heart expands and shines bright, healing light on all those it touches. Blood vessels dilate, the pulse evens out and the edginess you carry around as your shield dissipates; there’s no need for it here anymore. You’re free. You’re safe. The negative becomes numb so the positive can come forth. Shy ones and quiet ones experience it this way, the thinkers become the feelers the know they are. Relax, little one, for you can breathe easy now in this acceptance, for we are all drunk here, let that be your shield for the night. Find your security in yourself again, speak your mind and heart, let yourself be truth. 

3.

Theory. Armchair philosopher style. 

For therapeutic purposes, it’s best to choose a partner matching your own temperament, such as two reserved types or two un-reserved types. This lends to greater understanding and appreciation of each other’s thoughts/feelings and lessens the chance of misunderstanding, which greatly improves the positive impact of this work. 

Things always get off to a slow start but there is no need for haste; we have all night. 

4.

It’s now an arms race into slow oblivion. It’s no longer quite known if time is slowing  down or speeding up but is irrelevant, either way. 

It all starts with one.

There's something to be said for working in a psychiatric hospital, and I've learned a few things in the short three years Ive been there, and learn more every day. When I first started, I actually pretty much hated it but I realize now it had more to do with not being over, or able to get over, my own personal bullshit; I carried it with me everywhere I went, and as such, was not a very good person (by my stringent standards).

So, now three years later, the teachings of life are becoming apparent to me, and I'm actually starting to enjoy my job there; it's certainly unlike anything anyone else does in a day, and abnormal is the norm. It's exciting, entertaining, seldom boring, and there really are a lot of great people there, both staff and patient. There's always going to be those certain few who push our buttons but those are the ones we stand to learn the most from. 

Whether you work in an office building or a psych ward, life is tough and people can really get on your fucking nerves but everyone has their baggage they carry around with them; it's just more apparent with some, and less appealing to us than others' whom we relate to more. Try your best not to judge, don't poke around in other peoples' business and tend to your own, because it doesn't tend to itself. 

Despite my cynicism, I really do love people, and I love helping them; it's not always accepted or appreciated, and sometimes people just aren't at the point where they're ready to hear what I have to say but it still feels better to say something real and genuine and uplifting to someone, even if they shut you out, then to say nothing at all and let the cycle of bad or harmful behavior knowingly continue on unchecked.

You can't save everyone but you can at least try to save one.

9.2.13

  Well kids the party's over, it's time to go home. Time to re-hydrate, rest up and recuperate from a weekend of good food that's bad for you, good booze that's worse for you and questionable conversations that definitely entertain you. All in all, sounds like a good weekend to me but now it's back to reality. I think they have that statement backwards, though; reality is what constitutes those care-free days, it's the daily grind that is fantastical and I'll defend that position if it kills me.

   A little spontaneity is good for the soul... Instead of cutting the fun short with some great people by having to be drab and socially responsible to drive back home, my girlfriend and I decided to stay and pitch a literal tent in the grass. Our decision was awarded by cold beer, mountains of food, completely uninhibited yet intelligent conversation and most importantly, love. The epic outdoor breakfast prepared over hot wood coals wasn't a bad incentive, either.
  It's just amazing how you can meet some people you've never known before yet feel like you've known them all your life, and they take you right in. You fit. That, my friends, is a very real thing and having to cut yourself off from that to go back to voluntary slavery is the real crime.

  But, we get through it; rinse and repeat. You go to work and try not to lose your shit and just do what you need to to make it through until the next time you get to go back to the one true reality, that little place where life and celebrating it together intersect. That's where you want to be.

 

drink your bliss

  I wish drinking was like meditation: I could sit there, glass in hand, just gazing out with soft eyes at the life that surrounds me.

  Most times I do.

  More times than not I don't.

  I stare hard at the glass, and feel as if the liquid inside of it needed to be somewhere yesterday. I drink with a purpose.

  Thanks, social anxiety.

  But sometimes, it's just that good. One tasty craft beer deserves another, after all; like potato chips or Pringles, you can't have just one.

  Maybe next time I should bring my cushion and sit lotus on the floor..