Borrowed Creativity.. Do the Astral Plane!

  I'm on a bit of a yoga high right now, having just finished up an hour long vinyasa class, and man am I loving life. Sitting here, staring out at the beautiful sunset there really is nothing else that matters.

  I could be out, running errands and spending money I don't need to spend on stuff I don't really need at this exact point and time but instead I'm here, and there's no place else I'd rather be, no time or place it could be but now.

  Feel it. Suck air. Kick out whatever jams you love loud as hell and let's do this.

It all starts with one.

There's something to be said for working in a psychiatric hospital, and I've learned a few things in the short three years Ive been there, and learn more every day. When I first started, I actually pretty much hated it but I realize now it had more to do with not being over, or able to get over, my own personal bullshit; I carried it with me everywhere I went, and as such, was not a very good person (by my stringent standards).

So, now three years later, the teachings of life are becoming apparent to me, and I'm actually starting to enjoy my job there; it's certainly unlike anything anyone else does in a day, and abnormal is the norm. It's exciting, entertaining, seldom boring, and there really are a lot of great people there, both staff and patient. There's always going to be those certain few who push our buttons but those are the ones we stand to learn the most from. 

Whether you work in an office building or a psych ward, life is tough and people can really get on your fucking nerves but everyone has their baggage they carry around with them; it's just more apparent with some, and less appealing to us than others' whom we relate to more. Try your best not to judge, don't poke around in other peoples' business and tend to your own, because it doesn't tend to itself. 

Despite my cynicism, I really do love people, and I love helping them; it's not always accepted or appreciated, and sometimes people just aren't at the point where they're ready to hear what I have to say but it still feels better to say something real and genuine and uplifting to someone, even if they shut you out, then to say nothing at all and let the cycle of bad or harmful behavior knowingly continue on unchecked.

You can't save everyone but you can at least try to save one.

"We must cultivate our garden"

I think I finally got it tonight, I think it all clicked now. I'm talking about yoga in the broadest sense of the word, far away from the mat.

Maybe it was digging carrots out of my grandparents' garden, getting my hands dirty and unearthing these lovely creations which in turn give us and other living creatures life. Maybe it was re-connecting with my family members and not being such a fucking hermit all the time (I mean, they live right down the road so it's not like I have a viable excuse not to, given that I drive past them every day).
It's those two things alone that mean anything in this miserable existence: being in the presence of those you love and cherish and living within your means, living in harmony with the planet that gives us life.

And it's these two crucially important things I take for granted every day. Well, i don't want to anymore.

I'm not saying I won't go back to my hermit-y ways, because that just seems to be a part of my condition but I can at least poke my head in once in a while; it's not gonna kill me. We're only solitary creatures by choice, ultimately; in some ways, we need that human interaction. It's healthy. It's the original and only true form of social media.

And as for the gardening trip I'm on, well, that's not going away anytime soon. I don't want to advance or evolve anymore if it means losing touch with what makes me human, with where we came from as people. Self-sustainability is the dream but it seems to get further out of touch every day, at least on the global scale.

I may not be able to save the world at large but I can damn sure make it my goal to maintain a rich home-life to retreat to; I can live my dream every day, and that alone gives me hope, gives some purpose and meaning to this whole crazy thing.


Now, as for the time spent on the mat, I think I got that too tonight: It's about that time on the mat, with you and your breath. It's about synchronizing the whole of you with your breath. Mind, body and spirit flowing in one smooth direction. Some days it's just plain torture but when you get it, oh boy... you get it. Well, tonight I got it.

It's serious soul fuel, the best hour of my life in some ways.

Day seven of the five day yoga challenge told me that the challenge is never over, no matter how long you make it and that you never stop learning. As with life, it's a journey, not a destination and I'm just along for the ride.

9.2.13

  Well kids the party's over, it's time to go home. Time to re-hydrate, rest up and recuperate from a weekend of good food that's bad for you, good booze that's worse for you and questionable conversations that definitely entertain you. All in all, sounds like a good weekend to me but now it's back to reality. I think they have that statement backwards, though; reality is what constitutes those care-free days, it's the daily grind that is fantastical and I'll defend that position if it kills me.

   A little spontaneity is good for the soul... Instead of cutting the fun short with some great people by having to be drab and socially responsible to drive back home, my girlfriend and I decided to stay and pitch a literal tent in the grass. Our decision was awarded by cold beer, mountains of food, completely uninhibited yet intelligent conversation and most importantly, love. The epic outdoor breakfast prepared over hot wood coals wasn't a bad incentive, either.
  It's just amazing how you can meet some people you've never known before yet feel like you've known them all your life, and they take you right in. You fit. That, my friends, is a very real thing and having to cut yourself off from that to go back to voluntary slavery is the real crime.

  But, we get through it; rinse and repeat. You go to work and try not to lose your shit and just do what you need to to make it through until the next time you get to go back to the one true reality, that little place where life and celebrating it together intersect. That's where you want to be.

 

8.30.13

  Nearly another month down, I just can't believe it. I must be getting old, or am just becoming more aware of the impermanence of time and how fast it really does travel. At times I wish I could go back to the blissful ignorance of my youth but not when I look around at all that is wrong with the world and I wonder, was it always like this? Did I just never notice? I don't want to waste anymore precious time being stuck with my eyes wide shut (movie reference, whaaaaat?! bonus points if you're familiar with it).

  No 4:30 a.m. yoga to speak of but nonetheless it's been a productive morning, and is shaping up to be a very productive day in general. Got my finances squared away, did some cooking, that kind of thing. Some days it's like this: you see the day so clearly, and know exactly how to make it happen through careful scheduling and, most importantly, presence. A focus on the present moment prevents one from getting lost or sidetracked, burning off your retinas staring at Facebook all day. It happens. But not today.

  As the purpose of this particular blog is mainly to act as a sort of levee system for my influx of neuroses, I won't include many activities of daily living, i.e. cooking, recipes, life events.. All that will come at a later time.
  There's things in the works, works in the works, etc. A new blog will be coming, and another new blog will be coming as well, making two new blogs (for the record, I never doubted your math skills, I just make things confusing), one being a collaborative effort between my girlfriend Rachel and I, so stay tuned. Same bat time, same bat channel.

  Good things are on the horizon and each day gets me a little closer to realizing who I am. That tends to happen when you stop fighting against yourself all the time and just let things happen on their own. Do what you love, love the things you enjoy to do and the rest will iron itself out in time. Trust in that but don't put a time limit on it or constrain yourself too much in any way because that just stresses you out and that's not what we're trying to be all about, are we?

  It continues to be a long, strange trip..

until the quiet comes

  Flylo on the Hi-Fi, lights down low.. it's a good way to end the day.

  Alas, the world is still ending, and will be for quite some time yet. I read these things on natural (or man-made) disasters and feel this sense of immediacy, as I'm sure most people do. After all, it's never a big deal until something terrible happens, then all this shit needed to get done like yesterday. It's a vicious cycle; there's hope, though.

  Uncertainty is the new certainty.

  Correction: it's the only certainty.

  Nothing is guaranteed in life and even as desperate as it all seems, it's unlikely any of us will wake up tomorrow to find out that the world has come to its end. It will give several death rattles, and shake its little fatalistic maracas like there's no tomorrow. You picked up on that, right? Nudge nudge. Cheap humor makes the world go 'round..

  ..so, laugh love cry mate feed kill repeat. Play some guitar, turn your stereo up and raise the finger in the middle to the apocalypse in our minds, because the real one isn't here yet.

  There's still time.