To search for something whole..

  As I'm in Ardha Matsyendrasana tonight, I'm struck with this feeling of wringing out a dirty rag; the body itself the metaphor for the rag which is being wrung out, as this posture ultimately does just that. This insight led me to further meditation on the themes covered in Enlighten Up!, though I don't understand anything any further than what I did before.
  I don't know what the fuck any of it means, to be honest. Some days it all seems so clear and then others it's like the bottom drops out on you. It is, if nothing else, a daily practice (yoga) and as such, falls in with the normal ebb and flow of everyday life just as well.


  But what does it mean?

  -Does it really matter?


  Here's where the conflict begins: I, myself would love nothing more than to undertake my own personal journey into the world of yoga and my own spirituality but it's just like our Western minds to try and understand everything, to put a goddamn label on something that can't be labeled with words alone. It's largely a feeling, like being on the verge of something so big yet having no ability to describe it in any way. Sometimes words can only do harm.


  I don't honestly care what it is, or what it means because it's going to be different for everyone. I know that it makes my body and mind feel good and it gives me a sense of purpose in my life, and that's all the reason I need to keep up the physical practice. As for everything else, well, I guess that will all come in its own time, now won't it?

  The word 'spirituality' gets thrown around a lot, I know; I'm not proud of it either. But, regardless of a person's level of development in that area,  we all exist within a physical body, a shell. This body is moving parts and squishy things. It is affected by what we consume, and what consumes it. So, you can be as spiritual as you like but without a healthy vessel for it to be channeled through, it's a bit like pissing in the wind. It works both ways, though. Vice-versa. It's a very holistic relationship between the two of them, physical health and spiritual health: One prepares you for living in the present while the other prepares you for living forever.

 
  I let myself do some exercise other than yoga asanas tonight; I actually lifted some weights for the first time in a month or so, and it felt good. That's yoga. Breathing is yoga. Everything is yoga.
  It's all around us, in everything we do, as long as we do it with our whole being: Mind, body and spirit.

  I'm hit with something Nick (the antagonist of the documentary) is asking of a reclusive OG ashtangi in Hawaii: Nick asked Norman (the OG), "...as i'm twisting myself into a pretzel, I'm wondering to myself...what the hell does this have to do with enlightenment?" To which Norman answered almost immediately, "Nothing."
 
  Wow. And he's right. But it is a tool, and you can choose to use it or not use it; really doesn't matter either way just so you keep practicing whatever it is that you practice that makes you feel whole. Leave the rest at home.