To search for something whole..

  As I'm in Ardha Matsyendrasana tonight, I'm struck with this feeling of wringing out a dirty rag; the body itself the metaphor for the rag which is being wrung out, as this posture ultimately does just that. This insight led me to further meditation on the themes covered in Enlighten Up!, though I don't understand anything any further than what I did before.
  I don't know what the fuck any of it means, to be honest. Some days it all seems so clear and then others it's like the bottom drops out on you. It is, if nothing else, a daily practice (yoga) and as such, falls in with the normal ebb and flow of everyday life just as well.


  But what does it mean?

  -Does it really matter?


  Here's where the conflict begins: I, myself would love nothing more than to undertake my own personal journey into the world of yoga and my own spirituality but it's just like our Western minds to try and understand everything, to put a goddamn label on something that can't be labeled with words alone. It's largely a feeling, like being on the verge of something so big yet having no ability to describe it in any way. Sometimes words can only do harm.


  I don't honestly care what it is, or what it means because it's going to be different for everyone. I know that it makes my body and mind feel good and it gives me a sense of purpose in my life, and that's all the reason I need to keep up the physical practice. As for everything else, well, I guess that will all come in its own time, now won't it?

  The word 'spirituality' gets thrown around a lot, I know; I'm not proud of it either. But, regardless of a person's level of development in that area,  we all exist within a physical body, a shell. This body is moving parts and squishy things. It is affected by what we consume, and what consumes it. So, you can be as spiritual as you like but without a healthy vessel for it to be channeled through, it's a bit like pissing in the wind. It works both ways, though. Vice-versa. It's a very holistic relationship between the two of them, physical health and spiritual health: One prepares you for living in the present while the other prepares you for living forever.

 
  I let myself do some exercise other than yoga asanas tonight; I actually lifted some weights for the first time in a month or so, and it felt good. That's yoga. Breathing is yoga. Everything is yoga.
  It's all around us, in everything we do, as long as we do it with our whole being: Mind, body and spirit.

  I'm hit with something Nick (the antagonist of the documentary) is asking of a reclusive OG ashtangi in Hawaii: Nick asked Norman (the OG), "...as i'm twisting myself into a pretzel, I'm wondering to myself...what the hell does this have to do with enlightenment?" To which Norman answered almost immediately, "Nothing."
 
  Wow. And he's right. But it is a tool, and you can choose to use it or not use it; really doesn't matter either way just so you keep practicing whatever it is that you practice that makes you feel whole. Leave the rest at home.


 

What's it all about?

  So if you've been following me or my blog, you've no doubt heard me throw the word yoga and meditation around a lot, maybe even spiritual or spirituality. What, though, do these words mean? 

  I'd wager that most everyone's initial thoughts are some skinny Indian dude contorted like a pretzel with weird paint on his head, or a Buddhist monk sitting in lotus position chanting OM. Well, you pretty much nailed it but most times that's where our western understanding of these esoteric practices end. When you begin to dig deeper, you begin to realize that you know nothing at all about it. The purpose of this post is not to delve into the rich history of the practice but instead just clear the air on why one might choose to practice, so as to shake off that "cultish" vibe it's seemed to acquire over the years.

  I got into the game late; just less than three years ago but yoga had caught my attention and curiosity long before that. Like most, I thought it was weird and cult-like and I didn't really understand it - but I've always had a penchant for pursuing a level of understanding in that which I do not. So, I waited and watched, and one day it seemed right to pick up a mat and some videos and give it a try. 

  At that point in my life, I was fresh off quitting smoking and looking to get my body back in peak physical condition, so it started as exercise, and nothing more. I didn't like or fully understand the chanting and prayer and to this day still find it slightly distasteful (I mean, I wasn't born in India and I can't read Sanskrit, much less pronunciate it properly so it seems a bit contrived to me) but I would still put my hands in prayer and just bow to that silence and inner peace I was filled with; It's a very rare thing. For anyone, I imagine.

  

  I continued in this way, following the same Shiva Rea video for months, just getting the basics down, as well as the P90x yoga video, which I was drawn to for it's intense level of athleticism and strength. Shiva is great but I'm a bit too dark and moody to stomach all her flowery prose all the time; it got a little cloying. However, she is a marvelous teacher with a deep knowledge and understanding of the subject and so I respect her for that. 

  This eventually led me to find my one true love: Ashtanga. One thing you do need to know about yoga is it doesn't matter what school of thought or "style" you practice, the end goal or result is always the same: enlightenment, a complete union of mind, body and soul and all that snazzy shit. Yeah, it gets pretty deep, and I know that's why so many either don't know where to start or just get overwhelmed and do more mental harm than good to themselves. One thing is for sure though, whether you believe in the mumbo jumbo or not: it's a very powerful practice, and if you're just doing it for the physical aspect, then you will see gains in every part of your life, not just muscle tone-wise.

  It doesn't matter that I'm diving deeper into the classic texts, trying to get a handle on my understanding of it, it doesn't matter how much anyone knows or who has on the hottest new yoga pants because when we come to the mat, were all equal. We're all dirty and ugly and flawed inside but we go there because we want to cleanse ourselves, purify ourselves. We want to try and be ok with ourselves, and it won't always be easy but it will always be good, even if it doesn't seem so right away. 

  Don't let the charlatans and snake oil peddlers fool or sell you, because chances are they know less about it than you do. The practice is not equatable to status in life; it gives you no advantage over anyone else whatsoever. It does, however, give you a greater understanding of yourself and so this affects the way in which you interact with the world in many different subtle or not-so-subtle ways. It's not just postures, it's practicing to be a better person, a better human being. Most importantly, it's for all of us, regardless of race or creed.

  So my friends, I invite you to indulge your curiosity, if there is such a curiosity, and pick up a mat or don't, and try some yoga. Try different things until you find a style or teacher or method that resonates with you and begin your own practice of being a better person; just be patient with yourself because nothing happens overnight and there's a lot of material out there to sift through.

  Go out and dig deep my friends, find the hidden gems that others missed; give your own meaning to your yoga practice, or, just practice being a better person without the contortions.