a part of a whole

Evolution really fucked us up. Getting all dolled up on Sundays and days of the week to go play make believe with that imaginary friend no one ever had the heart to tell you wasn’t real. It’s sad. Makes my heart heavy for people but especially for the little ones who are raised on spoonfuls of the stuff; they don’t even have a choice. The idea of true freedom sounds nice but it isn’t quite apparent when you consider the fact that someone who is not competent to make their own decisions o form their own beliefs, is fed and taught what they’re to believe. 

Why?

Why do people do what they do? No one seems to have any idea. I guess it’s just what you do, like going to college, getting married and having a family with a house a dog and a big yard. The reality of that is, the whole time in college was wasted getting wasted and having license to be sexually promiscuous (and that’s where the family comes from), then getting married as a way to try and make amends to yourself or someone else that has too large of a role in your life and decision-making process. Making another mistake will not cancel out the first one.

Add to this now the little love nest, the ideal home for your idyllic family to blossom in and how it straps you to the bone with payments you begin to fall behind on, because those aren't the only bills anyone has. Remember college? Yeah, you'll be paying that one off for a long time and all other manner of fun distractions rape your credit card bills every month until you're right where "they" want you. 

Because of tensions regarding a shortage of money, your marriage becomes a battleground for resentment and bitter fights which will one day lead to divorce and another child with a broken home, making you question why you ever got married in the first place, and of course you know you never should have.

This is the American dream, just not the way you were led to believe it would turn out.

Now, I have a grand tendency to generalize things in very broad strokes. I’m not talking about ALL people, just about 95% of them, give or take. Some semblance of security is important though, so I don’t want to be the one to tell you it’s all wrong; if it gets you through a rough time or a rough life then brother, sister, by all means go for it. It just confuses me a little, and I think it’s a good idea to have a solid idea why, rather than just doing what a lemming would do. It’s global, almost at a pandemic level and with no signs of slowing. Far, far away I would love to live outside the boundaries of this infernal death machine, this rat race march of lemmings off unspeakable fucking cliffs to impale ourselves on the spires of greed.

No one's perfect and that's what I mean when I say we're all in this together. We're all fucked, so no matter what, we share that common bond. It's time to wake up now. Turn the TV off, because you don't need any of that shit they're trying to sell you and if you do, then you can go and get it on your terms. Money talks, and bullshit walks. Since we're the ones with the strings coming out of our legs and arms and asses, it's about time we gave a real show that no one's buying into or paying out for...

3 of Poetry

"I must create a system of be enslaved by another mans'. I will not reason and compare: my business is to create."

That about sums it up; thank you, Mr. Blake.

For what seems like a long time now, I've been wanting to do this writing thing. For real. It is, however, all too easy for me to overlook the fact that I am already doing it. I am a writer and it's what I do, regardless of what I do or do not have published or in print.

But I have something to say. A lot, actually, and I want to reach a wider audience because I don't know why. Why the hell not, really.

It's something I'm guided by, driven by... I haven't made much of it but this blog and actively putting my stuff out there has been such an immense personal step for me, and the fact that people come up to me and mention how they "read my blog" touches me so deeply my eyes are moist just thinking about it.

It's a labor of love, and the best I can hope for is that someone can feel it when they read it, the way my favorites make me feel it when I read them. Thank you, Henry Miller.

I have big things in mind but, as with all important things in my life, time must be taken for the seed to reach its full germination, when it is strong enough to grow on its own. When that time comes, I just know.

Part of my confliction is my relationship with work: I enjoy staying busy and feeling I have a purpose, and of course making money to be able to live but so often that's all we have time for. We get up, go to work, come home for a little then go back again. Writing is as natural for me as breathing but it always has to contend for a time slot with the rest of my societal obligations. As much as I would love to just spend weeks or months at a time living the Walden life, it is simply not practical at this point. In this society, though I am gaining much optimism and hope for the future I want as I get further into 'Off The Grid'.

I only wish to create meaningful things that others can relate to but getting it going in any kind of direction is tough when you're as neurotic and hyper-critical as I am but I write every day (pretty much), and part of being a writer (part of being anything) is that it never sleeps. Day in, day out I'm observing, taking note, refining, studying and solidifying my own unique version of life; one day it will be a great read ;)

The intellect takes a vacay

  For someone who is possessive of something that some go as far as to call "brilliance", I certainly seem to have a lot of dumb days, those days when the wheels just grind to a halt and even the simplest concepts seem impossible to grasp. 

  It's a rather hopeless, somewhat depressing feeling but it fades, so that's the silver lining I guess. For me, it's as easy as getting a good night's rest after a busy day and shitty (sleep) night. 

Sleep is important to mental health but if it was so beneficial then the schizophrenics and depressives who sleep all day and night in the mental institutions should be cured by now. "All things in moderation", as the saying goes..

  It's not just about sleep though, for me; it's as much about boredom and the devastating effects on a creative mind of falling into a routine that leaves you numb, at a job that leaves you feeling mentally incapacitated. 

  I'm inclined to think that this is a pretty common occurrence among the peoples of the world; it's pretty standard for someone to hate their job and complain about it and the people they work with. More often than not, the people are two-faced un-trustable trolls and management runs their employees into the ground, on par with their process of daily dehumanization. Worst of all, it's all obligatory. 

  What is happening to us? Does no one else see this or are they just too tired and afraid or incapable of doing/saying anything about it? 

  A great once in a while you hear of someone finding and pursuing their true passion, and as happy and inspired as it makes me feel, it always leaves me feeling a bit lost, myself. There is not one single path that will work the same for everyone, not will it produce the same results, and I'm talking mainly about the cultural ritual of school/college/marriage/children.

  The market is high for useful, practical knowledge; things we can use every day to make smart decisions, conscientious choices that will benefit us and hopefully not hurt anyone else in the process. Now is the time to use your voice and your gift to make a positive change not only in your own life, but in the world.